Toaster Oven

I do love a nice crunchy piece of toast. That's why I'm friendly with the toaster oven. In fact, I once wrote a poem singing its praises. When it's feeling generous, it opens its mouth wide and offers up a couple of pieces of toast. But it's a moody fellow and you never know when it will decide to just sit there and give you the cold shoulder.

I think, though, if I stand there and stare at it long enough, it will get the message and produce the toast.

Laundry

I find most housework frightening because it involves scary appliances such as vacuum cleaners, carpet sweepers, and irons. Doing laundry, however, is a whole different story. I just love laundry (unless my people decide to use the iron on it but, fortunately, that doesn't happen around here too often).

I love everything about laundry, from listening to the clothes swishing around in the washing machine, to hanging them to dry, to folding them, to hanging them in the closet. My people seem to think that once the laundry's hung up in the closet, then the chore is done. But that's because they've never had the fun of running around on top of hangers full of clean clothes, like I have.

Anyhow, when it's laundry day, I am always right there ready to help. I have to admit that sometimes it's a bit overwhelming and I'm not sure where to start.

But once I've figured it out, I get right to work, climbing all over the clean laundry, poking at it and chewing it. I tell you, there's nothing like it.

Another Predator

Look at this thing I have to live with:

My person calls it "carpet sweeper." She can call it anything she likes but that doesn't disguise its true identity -- monster. Fortunately, it spends most of its time lurking in its den (the closet), but every once in a while it makes an appearance, then I have to take off and get out of there as fast as I can. This morning it had me squawking and flapping all over the house. But when I finally made it back to the safety of my cage, it followed me right into the room! And, my person was following along right behind it. On top of that, she was touching it. She had her hand right on the monster's handle. What is the matter with her?

A Kitchen En-Counter

I took a little walk around the kitchen counter the other day, something I hadn't done in a while. I was looking forward to visiting with my friends, the coffee pot and the toaster oven. However, things were pretty quiet. The coffee pot was cold and not gurgling at all, so I continued on to the toaster oven. It, too, was cold and dark. I spent sometime staring through its glass window but, alas, no matter how hard I stared, no toast appeared. Too bad. I love a piece of toast. Oh, well, maybe next time.

A Friend

I had a nice little chat with the microwave oven today.
"Beep!" said the oven.
"Beep!" I replied.
There's just something about that microwave oven that I feel like I can talk with it in a way that I can't with anyone else. It's important to have friends like that, don't you think?

I love the paper shredder!

I LOVE talking with the paper shredder. It always has so many interesting things to say. Well, OK, it really only says one thing -- Whirr! -- but it sounds so cool when it says it. We have the most fun conversations: Whirr! Squawk! Whirr! Squawk! Whirr! Squawk! The only problem is that when I try to cozy up to the paper shredder, my person always pulls me away. "That paper shredder has a bite sharper than yours," she tells me. Hmm. I find that hard to believe.

Telephones

Do you have telephones in your house? We do, and I think they're just wonderful. First of all, whenever one gets dialed, it makes the most interesting beeping noises, and I beep right along with them. Also, my person talks to the telephone frequently, and I just love the sound of her voice when she does that. I snuggle up under her chin and chirp and coo while she talks. Last night while we were
doing this, the telephone started talking to me! It said, "Hi, Shadow. Pretty bird. Pretty bird." So I said "Pretty bird" right back to it! Then I noticed the buttons on the phone and reached out my beak to chew one, but before I could get even one bite, my person moved the phone away. Then she put me in my cage. Hmmmph! I keep thinking about all those delicious buttons just waiting to be chewed. One day I'll find a way to get my beak on them. You'll see. Anyhow, I just love telephones and I think every house should have at least one.

My Friend the Paper Shredder

I was hanging out with the paper shredder the other day and we had a fine old time together. While it was busy shredding paper, I cheered it along with a chorus of squawks. That's always fun. The paper shredder and I have a good deal in common. For one, we both shred paper and for two, we both like to make noise. Although I have to say, the paper shredder is rather repetitive in its methods. When it shreds paper, every piece comes out the same shape, long and thin. And it always makes the same noise while it works -- whirr whine whirr whine. I, on the other hand, enjoy shredding paper into all kinds of shapes, some large, some small, and each one unique. I also toss them all over the place instead of letting them all fall neatly into a black box like the paper shredder does. Well,we each have our own way of doing things. That's what makes the world go round, right?

Of Walnuts and People

OK, so we already know how interesting the opening of the refrigerator door is to me because of the walnuts that are always sitting there on the top shelf winking and smiling at me in such an attractive way as if to say, “Eat us now!” And we know how mean my person can be sometimes, making it difficult for me to get my beak on those tasty little morsels. So the other day she says, “Just because a walnut is there doesn’t mean that you have to eat it.”
Huh?
Doesn’t mean I have to eat it??? Of course it does. That’s what it’s all about. Sheesh. People can be so clueless.

Refrigerator

One of my readers, Dijon, posted an interesting comment about my recent post on sounds. Despite his being a dog, Dijon often has interesting things to say. In this case, he mentioned that the refrigerator door opening is one of his favorite sounds. I, too, am very interested in the opening of the refrigerator door, mostly because I know there is a bag of walnuts on its top shelf. So when my person opens the refrigerator, I always pay attention. Unfortunately, the opening of the refrigerator door doesn’t always result in my getting walnuts. Sometimes it does, but other times I have to nip my person’s ear to remind her. But even that doesn’t always work. Often my person says, “Just because I open the refrigerator door doesn’t mean you get walnuts.” But then she goes and takes out a treat for herself! People. You can’t live without them, but you can squawk at them.

Poor Furnace

So the furnace finally came back from vacation, but almost as soon as it got back it started feeling sick. It gave out a few rumbles and whirrs and then lay down and took a nap. My person had to call the furnace doctor. Now, I’m happy to report, the furnace is a feeling a lot better. I wonder how it spent its vacation. It must have been partying hard the whole time, or something, to come back feeling so sick. But it’s not telling. It just hums and whirrs and says it’s too busy heating the house to have time to tell me about it.

Question Technology

I understand that our local Borders, along with all the rest of them, is going out of business because everyone is buying ebooks now to read on their Kindles. OK, that is something I totally don’t get. Although I have never personally seen a Kindle, I’ve been around plenty of computers and other electronic devices and I can tell you that despite their often having a few tasty plastic pieces here and there, they don’t make for nearly as good chewing as a nice old-fashioned book does. There’s nothing like chewing your way through a good book and filling up your person’s desk with piles of fluffy white page scraps. Until someone invents a Kindle that can do that, I’m sticking with books.

A Visit to an Old Friend

I was hanging out on the kitchen counter this morning while my person was washing the dishes, so I decided to check in on my old friend, the toaster oven. I was hoping that it might have some toast for me, but when I looked through its window, everything was cold and dark. No matter how much I stared, no toast appeared. After a while I gave up and decided to climb up on top of the oven and chew up the piece of aluminum foil that usually hangs out up there. But, guess what? There wasn’t any foil up there. I walked all around the top of the oven and peeked into all the spaces behind it and next to it, but I couldn’t find the foil anywhere. I wonder where it could have gone. Hmmm. That kitchen is full of mysteries.

Kitchen Friend

Do you have a bread machine in your kitchen? We do, and it’s quite a friendly and generous thing. Sometimes it gets in a talkative mood. It makes the most interesting mixing, scraping, and shaking sounds, and then it beeps. It beeps! I always beep along with it. Usually it gets quiet for a long time after that, then it beeps again and then delicious hot bread comes out of it. Isn’t that amazing? Beeps and bread are two of my very favorite things, so I’m sure glad we have a bread machine in our house. It’s a wonderful friend.

My Friend, the Furnace

I have been worried about my friend the furnace ever since I wrote in my last blog post that it felt good to go outside and be warmed by the sun, not the furnace. I in no way meant to imply that I don’t appreciate being warmed by the furnace all winter. I most certainly do appreciate it, and I enjoy daily conversations with the furnace, too. It’s very talkative and rumbles and whooshes on and off all day long. OK, I have to admit I have never actually met the furnace face to face. It lives in the basement, and I’m too scared to go down there. But, like me, the furnace has a voice that carries throughout the house, and it talks to me quite regularly. It’s a very interesting conversationalist and a nice housemate to have even though, as I understand, it has quite a hefty appetite and insists on eating only expensive imported food. I don’t quite get that part. I myself am quite happy to eat food that grows around here, berries from our field, for example, though not any worms—I’m no dumb robin. But anyhow, despite its unusual appetite, the furnace is a good friend to have.

Scary Cleaning Day

Yesterday was one of those scary cleaning days—you know, when the vacuum cleaner gets out of the closet. That nasty, roaring thing really freaks me out. I used to fly as fast as I could to the nearest dark corner to hide whenever I saw that thing. Now that I am fairly certain it isn’t going to actually eat me, I stay by my cage to defend it. You better believe I squawk at the top of my lungs whenever that thing starts sniffing around near my cage, but loud as my squawk is, it gets drowned out by the vc’s terrible roar. The worst part is when the vc sticks its long snaky nose right up next to my cage and starts sucking up all the crumbs that I have left scattered around. If that isn’t adding insult to injury! Not only does it freak me out with all its loud noises, but then it goes and eats the crumbs I have been carefully collecting for my own snacks. I sure hate that thing. I don’t know why my person keeps it around.

Lost Friend

Wouldn’t you know it? No sooner do I find out that the refrigerator’s the place where the walnuts have been hiding than it disappears. That old refrigerator is gone. Completely gone. I miss it, and not just for the walnuts. It was quite a talkative thing, always making lovely groaning and squeaking sounds. I always enjoyed listening to its rantings and ravings. Now there is a new one in its place, and I have to admit it’s quite a fine looking thing, very bright and clean. It’s not such a talker, though, just emits a quiet hum. So we’ll just have to wait and see if it’s friendly or not, if it also has walnuts and, if so, whether or not it likes sharing. I’ll let you know what I find out.

I Found Them!

I did it! I finally found out where the walnuts are kept! It happened like this: While I was paying a brief visit to the kitchen today, my person opened the refrigerator door. That's when I saw them. They were sitting right there on the top shelf, as plain as the beak on your face, right under a brightly shining light bulb. They smiled and winked at me through their plastic wrapping and seemed to be saying, "Come eat us now!" So I stepped onto the refrigerator shelf - that sure felt cold on my toes - and was just reaching out my beak to touch the plastic wrapping when my person grabbed me out of there and slammed the door shut. What a party pooper! Oh, well. At least now I know where the walnuts are. I bet I can get the refrigerator to let me in again. It seems to be a pleasant creature, quite friendly and ... well, not warm, but friendly, anyhow. I don't think it would mind sharing a few walnuts. I'll keep you posted.

conversations

A cold and rainy day. . . which means I can't go outside in my carrier. What a disappointment. To pass the time, this morning I struck up a conversation with the microwave oven. It went like this:
m.o.: Beep!
me: Beep!
m.o.: Beep!
me: Beep!
m.o.: Beep!
me: Beep!
m.o: Beep!
me: Beep!
m.o.:
me: Beep!
m.o.:
me: Beep!
Well, obviously that old oven got tired of talking after a while, but it was great while it lasted. We parrots always appreciate a good conversation.

Toaster Oven

Toaster ovens are funny things. At times they can be quite attractive. They make a lovely ticking sound and glow a nice warm orange and then - ding! - delicious hot toast pops out. But other times they can be dull as stone no matter what you do. Just this afternoon I tried to strike up a conversation with the toaster oven, but it just sat there in silence. Not one tick or ding did it make. I stared and stared through the glass window, but it was all dark and cold inside and I couldn't see any toast. I don't get it - so friendly and generous when it wants to be, but other times so aloof. We parrots aren't like that at all. We are very sociable creatures. True, sometimes we bite, but we always appreciate good company.